What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
