Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
4 words: hood of his car
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
