Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
