some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
