there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
