Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
