I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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