I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
