If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
