Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
