Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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