I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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