Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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