Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
