so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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