Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
