Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
