Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
