3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
