best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
