I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Damn victory sex feels great
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
