Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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