Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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