My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
