The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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