puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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