??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
