Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
