Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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