I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
