Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Randomize
