I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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