Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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