wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
