Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i out mim tonsoeep
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