i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
