Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
