Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
