I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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