You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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