Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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