And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
