we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
