I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
