Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
