Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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