So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
