He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well you can't waste a boner
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he laminated a picture of his dick.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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