shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
