we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have tasted many bathrooms
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
