ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
