I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
