Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Houston, we have a blender
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
