Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
