I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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