I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
